


we're okay, slowly dying

by minjikishii



Series: they're not okay: a cinematic universe [1]
Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Depression, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Violence, based off of authors experiences, brief mentions of rnkm, other members make appearances i just didnt want to tag them, some ynrk, someone gets hurt and its the reader, the coming of age friendship story i wish i had, the junkeigo? the junkeigo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27146254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjikishii/pseuds/minjikishii
Summary: Welcome to the Losers’ Club. In which an unlikely tag team of friends navigate through the troubles of life together.
Relationships: Kimata Syoya/Tsurubo Shion, Kinjo Sukai/Ohira Shosei
Series: they're not okay: a cinematic universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010694
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hayyy not at me starting a new series when i haven't even finished the other ones yet..,, ANYWAYS i've always wanted to write stuff based off of my own experiences,, so hehe here! speaking of which, my other series will be on hiatus until i feel like it because i'm a bitch and i can do that lol
> 
> this fic is definitely one of the more personal ones i've written and it's also based off of my irl friend dynamic too hehe 
> 
> this fic will mention topics like: depression, child abuse, violence (these are the main tags)  
> any other topics will be tagged properly within the fic. 
> 
> i really hope you guys enjoy this and stick around for more S4 chaos :D

Kimata had a friend. His name was Tsurubo Shion. He was quite the athletic boy, and quite a rebellious one at that, never giving up an opportunity to jump over, climb on, or even break something. So it wasn’t at all surprising to him when he found the younger boy dangling upside down from the bleachers after baseball practice. 

Syoya sighed. The boy was going to get himself killed one day.

“What are you doing?” Syoya called from below him, craning his neck to look up at his friend. 

“Watching your baseball practice, duh.” He was dangling completely upside down, supported only by his knees on the side of the railing. His hoodie was bunched up to expose his lower belly. His face was red, but he showed no signs of dizziness. 

“I hope you slip and fall and break your neck.” Syoya set his bag down and began to pull on the strings of Shion’s hoodie.

“Hey! Stop that!” Shion laughed, his hands reaching towards the railing for balance. “You know you love me.” 

“What if I don’t? ” the dark haired boy playfully teased, pulling the strings of his best friend’s hoodie even harder. The stiff cloth of Shion’s hoodie closed onto his face. 

“You do.” 

“Tsurubo! Get off the railing before I have to call your parents again!” the coach yelled from the field, a bag of practice bats in his hand. 

“Oh shit.” Shion used his arms and legs to swing himself up and off the railing, stumbling as his feet made contact with the shaky metal seats. “I’ve already been grounded once this month, I don’t need to be grounded again.”

The older boy sighed. Shion was always getting himself into trouble. “Aren’t you still grounded?” 

Shion jumped off the bleachers and rolled his eyes. “ _ Technically _ . It’s not like my parents will ever know, they haven’t said anything about it yet and they’re barely home anyways.” 

“I hope you get caught then.” 

“Shut up.” Shion playfully slapped Syoya’s shoulder, earning a grimace and groan from the older. “Sorry. But if I get caught, then I’d get killed and then who’s going to rob the city bank with you, huh?” 

Syoya laughed. The two of them began to leave the field, chattering away as the sun began to set behind them. 

“What are you two talking about?”

Syoya whipped his head around to find a brown haired male standing behind them, his bag strap resting on his shoulder and hands in his pockets all coolly. “If you’re talking about robbing a bank then I volunteer Shion as tribute.”

“Sukai, I will literally fight you.”

“No, you won’t.” Sukai went over to walk beside Syoya, his hands still in his pockets. “You won’t because last time you did, you got sent to the principal’s office and your parents threatened to send you to military school.”

Shion made a fist and pretended to punch Sukai, the other catching his hand and flicking it away before it made any contact. Like a child, he stuck his tongue out at the older before swinging his arm around Syoya’s shoulders. “Whatever. Where the hell is Shosei, he better show up soon or I’m dead.” 

“It’s your fault for staying around and risking your life when you could’ve gone home.” Syoya shrugged, his free arm wrapping around Shion’s waist. He caught the other boy turning his face, but decided not to say anything about it. “If your sister gets fed up with you sneaking out all the time and snitches, that’s on you.” 

“She won’t snitch. She thinks I’m at cram school, and plus, if I go home with Shosei it’s more convincing.” the brown haired boy pulled at his hoodie string, fixing it up from when Syoya played with it. “He’s like, the smartest kid I know.”

“You don’t know very many kids.” Sukai snorted.

‘Hello? More than half the school knows my name.” Shion boastfully puffed out his chest, nose pointed upwards pridefully.

“Yeah, ‘cause you cause trouble every other day.” the taller shrugged, taking a hand out of his pocket to run it through his hair. “I’m surprised the school hasn’t tried to file a restraining order against you yet.”

“I don’t think they can do that.” 

Syoya listened to the two bicker back and forth, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his chest. He wasn’t usually one to say much during their conversations and usually he was fine with that, but as of late, he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing out on something. 

His friends: Shion, Sukai and Shosei were all so outgoing and  _ popular _ , all having multiple friend groups and being quite known around the school. Sukai was known for being the school’s resident heart throb, and Shosei was quite popular for his high grades and looks. Apart from that, Shosei was also a part of the dance club. Even Shion, who was a delinquent, was quite known around school. And Syoya? He wasn’t sure if there was anything interesting about him. He sometimes felt like a social outcast compared to them. His friends always made sure he felt included though, but he always ended up feeling bad for it. 

Making friends never came easy to him, the dark haired boy never really knowing what to say or do around people. Becoming friends with Shion however, was an exception. 

The younger boy was transferred into Syoya’s class from another school in his second year of middle school. Shion was quiet during his introduction, and the teachers never stopped complaining about how rude he was. Syoya never cared about him, the boy looked like a good and quiet kid. That look disappeared real quick when Syoya caught the boy attempting to climb the school fence during lunch. He watched the boy crawl up the wired gate, getting scratches all over his arms and his uniform dirtied in the process. Shion jumped back down from the fence and walked off like it was a totally normal thing for him to do. 

Syoya began to talk to him more after that, constantly asking the younger how he did that without getting in trouble. He just shrugged, saying it was natural for him and that he did it all the time. Despite never talking to each other before, the two were quick to become friends. They were inseparable.

The second time the quiet kid aura disappeared was during an eventful gym class that same year. They were to be split up into two teams for dodgeball, Syoya and Shion placed on the same team. Their team wasn’t so bad, they had some of the most athletic kids in the class on their team. The opposing team however, had the scarier kids. 

There was this one kid on the other team, the one with the poker face, who wouldn’t stop targeting Syoya. He didn’t even know him, yet it was like he was out for blood. He just wouldn’t stop throwing the balls in his direction.

Syoya wasn’t very good at the game but  _ Shion  _ however, was a  _ monster _ . He didn’t look like it, but the tall, skinny boy was ruthless at the game, quickly taking out more than half of the other team. 

_ Zoom _ ! A ball zoomed past Syoya’s face and straight into Shion’s. Syoya watched him fume with anger and stomp off, throwing the ball he had in his hand at the ground before he sat down. Syoya felt a ball hit him in the arm, and he whipped his head to look in the direction of whoever threw it. A boy with blonde hair made eye contact with him and ran off. 

_ Ouch. That hurted.  _ The dark haired boy dropped his ball and went to go sit down next to Shion. 

“This is so unfair, the scary kids kept targeting me.” Shion pouted. “Do they think I’m weak or something, that I won’t try to fight back?” 

“You took out half of their team though,” Syoya mumbled back, picking at the soles of his worn out gym shoes. “It’s fine, we’re going to win anyways.” 

“Yeah, but like... “ Shion folded his arms and slumped further against the wall. “Whatever, it’s just gym. But if any of these bitches pick a fight with me outside of this class, it’s on  _ sight _ .” 

Syoya rolled his eyes. The ever so rebellious Shion was always so creative with his words. The game ended, with Syoya and Shion’s team winning and the school day was over. It was time for the after-school club activities. Syoya and Shion said their byes, the former promising to meet the other at the rooftop as they usually did after school. 

He headed in the direction of the locker rooms, about to get ready to change back into his regular clothes when he heard a spew of cuss words coming from the other side of the gym. It was Shion, and some third year with a smug expression that Syoya wanted to slap off of him. Shion had the senior boy’s uniform shirt in his big fist, looking up at him with a dirty expression. The older was pushed against the wall, not looking fazed at the words coming from the second year in front of him. He recognized the poker faced dude from P.E. as one of the students trying to pull the two of them apart. 

Syoya saw the third year push Shion back, and he ran over to them, pulling Shion away before he could do anything and get in big trouble. 

“What are you doing?” Syoya asked his friend, about to drag him away before seeing the blonde from gym on the ground in front of him. “What’s going on?”

Shion brushed his hands off, getting back into a fighting position. “This  _ asshole  _ over here decided it’d be funny to take my and Shosei’s stuff and push him around.” Syoya assumed Shosei was the name of the blonde in front of him. “He’s an idiot.” 

The third year scoffed, rolling his eyes and cracking his neck. “Relax, it was just a joke.  _ Geez,  _ you second years are always looking for drama.” Shion flexed his hands, ready to launch a punch, but Syoya held him back. 

The two of them exchanged more dirty glares before the third year got bored and walked away. Syoya waited for him to be out of sight before helping Shosei up, his angry expression turning into one of concern. 

“Are you okay?” Syoya checked him over for any injuries, gasping when he saw Shosei’s busted lip and swollen cheek. “What the  _ hell  _ did he do to you?” 

“He took our bags and hung them from the basketball hoop, and he got pretty fucking  _ pissed  _ when Shosei begged for his bag back. He threatened to tell the principal and all, and I guess he didn’t like that.” Shion shrugged like it was no big deal. “I just punched him in the face that’s all, and he completely  _ decked  _ me.”

Syoya sighed. When was Shion  _ not  _ getting into a fight? He examined Shion’s face, and he was right. His face was bruised, and his lip was swollen, bleeding from the corner of his mouth. Syoya watched Shion wipe his mouth and pop his jaw back into place, watching him swing his school bag over his shoulder like a yankee. The blonde watched from the side, not saying anything. 

The poker faced dude ran over, holding two ice packs in his hands and handing one to Shion and Shosei. “You two should visit the nurse, you look pretty busted.” 

“Nah, the nurse hates me. I’m in there at least once a week.” Shion grimaced as he brought the ice-pack up to his jaw. “Besides, I’ve been through worse, I can deal with it. Shosei could use a visit though.” 

The poker faced boy nodded. “I’m Kinjo Sukai, by the way.” He bowed his head slightly, hands in his pockets all coolly. “What you did was pretty cool, that asshole is always looking for an excuse to beat up some unsuspecting first or second year.” 

“Nice to meet you, Kinjo.” Shion and Syoya bowed back. “And no biggie, he deserved that punch anyways. Nobody messes with my shit and gets away with it. If I see him pulling that shit again, I’m so killing him.” 

“Could you please stop cussing?” Syoya playfully punched Shion’s arm, knowing he often got heated from getting into so many fights, but usually for good reason. “And please try not to kill anyone, I don’t want to lose my only friend to juvie.” 

“No way. I am so going to kill him, he beat us up for asking for our bags back. Plus, like Kinjo said, he picks on other first and second years too. Juvie will taste so good after I deal with him.” Shion fired back. “Wanna join me, Kinjo?”

“Shion, no.”

“Shion, yes.”

Needless to say, Shion and Sukai did not listen. A week later, the two of them were sent to the principal’s office, forcing Shosei and Syoya to chew them out from whatever punishment awaited them. They were both sentenced to a week’s worth of detention for the mess they caused, and Shion got grounded for a month for starting a fight at school, but the real bully got suspended after the school staff found out what happened. 

They didn’t exactly know how it happened, but they soon became good friends, the four of them becoming regulars in each other’s lives. They were an unlikely bunch, the school’s resident delinquent, the top scoring student in the grade, the poker faced misfit and Syoya. He wouldn't have it any other way.

They were in middle school back then, but now they were at the end of their first year of high school and they were  _ still  _ Syoya’s only friends. Sure, he knew some other people and some classmates, but he couldn’t bring himself to call them his  _ friends _ . He frowned bitterly at the thought, but snapped out of it when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay, Tamaki?” Shion looked concerned, calling him an old nickname he hadn’t used since their middle school years. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” he forced a smile, squeezing Shion’s hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go pick up Shosei.”

“You know I can tell when you’re not okay. That wasn’t one of your usual content smiles. You gotta stop bottling everything up and admit that you’re not okay sometimes. What I personally do is scream into the void and maybe rob a toy store. It’s very therapeutic.” 

Syoya and Sukai laughed. “Yeah, maybe I’ll do that. If I get caught and/or killed, just know that you can sell my parts on the black market for some cash to live  _ very  _ comfortably.” He joked around, trying to cover up the guilt bubbling from feeling bad that his sour mood made them concerned. 

They were nearing the library.

“Keigo’s gonna ask us to donate half of it to the baseball club though, so there’s no point in selling your parts online.” Sukai snorted, pulling out his phone to text Shosei. “Besides, who would want to buy your parts?” 

“Hey, what if some kid has a broken heart or whatever and mine was the only match?”

“Doctors don’t just buy organs on the internet.” 

“Doctors don’t buy what?” 

The trio turned to face a blonde boy standing by the library doors. “Took you guys long enough. What, did Sukai force you to wait because you guys ran into Ren or something?”

“Nah, we were just talking about Syoya and how much we’d sell his parts for.” Sukai rolled his eyes, putting his phone and hands back in his pockets.

“Ew.”

“Wimp” Shion stuck out his tongue.

“No, you guys are just gross. Why would you talk about selling your friend’s parts?” Shosei walked next to Sukai, leaning his head on the taller’s shoulder. 

“I thought all friends did that?” Syoya looked at Shosei. “Whatever, we need to get Shion home before he gets his ass beat up.” Shosei rolled his eyes and laughed at Shion and Syoya’s arms around each other. 

The four of them continued the walk home to Shion’s house together, their figures casting funny shadows in the setting sunset. They were the unlikely friends, the delinquent, the heart throb, the top student, and Syoya. Syoya wouldn’t have it any other way. 


	2. suffocating

Sukai shivered, not bothering to pull on a thicker hoodie as he sat alone outside his house. His fingers fumbled as he pulled the strings of his black hoodie, letting the soft fabric close around his face. The moon was supposed to be visible, but the clouds were covering it tonight. Sukai felt just like the moon, covered by clouds that just won’t leave him. 

Most nights, he’d be in his room, lounging around and drowning out the sounds of the world with bass-pumping music, but here he was, drowning in a world that felt too tiring to live in.

He was suffocating. It was like the air in his lungs was slowly being knocked out of him.

He didn’t bother checking his phone, ignoring the multitudes of messages from his friends and choosing to stand and take a walk around his empty neighborhood instead. He couldn't stand being in, nor near that house any longer. His parents were fighting again, and he didn’t want to be around to see the consequences of that. 

They were just figuring things out, his ass. Sukai couldn’t wait for the day he could move out. He just had to wait two more years. He was sick of listening to them constantly yell at each other, sick of having to calculate his moves and hold back his emotions and he was sick of fearing for his life whenever things got too heated. He knew they wouldn’t have the heart to physically hurt him, but it often felt like they would. 

His older sister was smart, she left the house a long time ago, leaving him to deal with the mess that was their family. Sukai wished she took him with her.   
Sukai didn’t really know where he was walking to, just letting his feet lead the way. He passed by several houses, eventually ending up at a convenience store he was surprised was still open at such an ungodly hour. His stomach grumbled. Having skipped dinner to finish his schoolwork, he could definitely use a konbini meal right now. 

He walked through the automatic doors of the store, the soft sounds of the cashier ringing and soft “convenience store” music greeting his ears. A nice change of pace after hearing his parents yell at each other for the past hour. He walked towards the instant meal aisle, hoping to find a nice pack of instant ramen to eat. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the healthiest, but he deserved a treat after putting up with his parents’ bullshit for the past few hours. 

“What are you doing here?” a raspy voice sounded from behind him. 

Sukai whipped his head around, only to be greeted with Shion’s tired and bruised face. He probably snuck out again. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked first.” the boy in the hoodie stood next to Sukai, examining a few different ramen packages. “Which one is better, the spicy ones or chicken flavored?”

“Just wanted to go on a walk, I guess.” Sukai shrugged. “Get the spicy ones, they’re better than the chicken.” 

Shion grabbed three packages and began to juggle them around. “Are they fighting again?”

“Yeah. It’s nothing.” 

“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be here at 1 am.” Shion stopped juggling the ramen and handed one to Sukai. “Everyone says that. What’s wrong?”

“I’m serious, it’s fine. They do this every week, anyways.” The two of them began to walk towards the cold drinks aisle. “I should be asking you why you’re here. You don’t even live near this area.” 

Shion grabbed two Colas from the large fridge, handing one to Sukai as he reached in again to grab an energy drink for the older boy. “I was going to Tamaki’s house and wanted to stop by to grab snacks. Wanna come with?”

Sukai hesitated, knowing that he would never hear the end of it if his parents found out. They don't care anyways, they’re too busy fighting. Besides, it was a weekend and they wouldn’t care if he said he was just sleeping over at Syoya’s house. The tall boy feared more for Shion though, knowing that their threats to send Shion away if they caught him sneaking out or if he got in trouble again were anything but empty. 

It was a few minutes before Sukai finally sighed and made up his mind. “Sure, why not. If we get caught, then I personally wouldn’t miss you once you get sent away to military school. It’s your fault anyways for sneaking out when you’re supposed to be grounded.”

Shion threw a ramen package at him. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” 

“Shut up. I’m paying for this.” Shion rang up the cashier and began to set their items on the conveyor belt. 

Sukai dropped his items on the belt. “Who said you were paying for me? And with what money? Didn’t your parents cancel your card a few months ago?” 

Shion kicked Sukai from where he was standing. “Shush. I have my ways.” 

Sukai let Shion hand over the proper amount of yen needed for the food and drinks anyway.

“I can’t wait for the day I can finally move out. No more dealing with my parents’ bullshit.” Sukai helped Shion carry the items, cracking open his energy drink with his teeth and holding his ramen package in his free hand. 

“Me too. Only two more years.” Shion bowed to the cashier and put his food and drinks into his backpack. “We should get a couple of jobs and save up for a place together.”

“You wish. The last thing I want is to live in a house with you.” 

The two of them walked out of the store and into the freezing cold night. Sukai forgot about his poor clothing choice, only being reminded when a wave of chills ran over him.

“I didn’t mean just you. We could convince Tamaki and Shosei to do it too and all move in together.” Shion kicked a pebble out of his way as the two of them began to walk the distance to Syoya’s house. 

Sukai took a long sip of his energy drink. “Yeah, probably.”

The duo continued the rest of the walk in silence, Shion or Sukai speaking up every now and then to start small talk. They were exhausted, and it showed. Sukai finally spoke up again when they reached Syoya’s house. 

“Should we text him that we’re here?” Sukai asked, taking one last sip out of the energy can before tossing it into the trash bin at the front of the Kimatas’ house. 

“I already texted him a while ago. He’s awake. Hand me your ramen, I can put it into my backpack.” 

Sukai tossed the package to him, watching as he stuffed it into his backpack and zipped it back up before tossing a small pebble at Syoya’s window. “Psst! Tamaki! Open up your window!” 

It took a few minutes before a dark haired head popped out of the window. “Why are you guys here?” A sleepy Syoya whisper-shouted and rubbed his eyes. “You know you can just use the back door, right? I left it unlocked.” 

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” Shion whisper-shouted back, stretching his arms out before climbing up the side of the house. “Are you going to pull me up, or what?” 

“Fine. You owe me instant ramen.” Syoya groaned, using both his arms to pull a dangling Shion up. Sukai watched as Shion used his arms and legs to pull himself the rest of the way up and into Syoya’s room. He could hear a thud and a loud “Shh!” as Shion landed. 

Syoya stuck his head out his window again. “Are you going to climb the side of my house too?” Sukai shook his head. He’d rather not.

“I’ll just use the back door. You said it was unlocked, right?” 

“Yeah, you just gotta be really quiet. Here, lemme go down too.” 

Syoya disappeared back into his house again, and Sukai climbed through the overgrown bushes to reach their backyard. He saw Syoya in his pajamas standing in the darkness, his phone with the flashlight on in his hand. He was shivering. 

“Hurry up, it’s cold as shit out here.” Syoya stomped his little feet, wrapping his arms around him as an attempt to warm up. Sukai walked over to him. Syoya silently closed the door, and Sukai left his sneakers next to the rack, wiggling his now free toes. He waited as Syoya grabbed a kettle of what he assumed was boiling water for the ramen off the stove. 

“So what brings you to my house at two in the fucking morning?” Syoya asked, tip-toeing with Sukai back to his room. “Shion, I get. He does this every week. But you? You rarely come over at this hour.” Sukai shrugged.

“Bored, I guess. It’s a weekend anyways, it’s not like I’m doing this on a school night.” Syoya closed the door to his room and Sukai flopped onto the plush material of his bed. 

Syoya sighed at the sight of Shion already getting himself heated up in a tournament of online Smash Bros. He sat himself down next to the delinquent on the ground and began to pour the boiling water into the ramen cups. 

“Did your parents fight again?” He asked the boy on the bed, motioning him over to sit down next to him. The heat radiating off of the cups was intense, a nice change from the cold weather outside. 

Sukai grabbed a controller and began to play with it, waiting for Shion’s match to finish. “Yeah. No biggie though, at least nothing got broken this time. I should probably head back soon though.” 

Shion groaned as he lost his game and immediately began to dig into his ramen, snapping the wooden chopsticks the store gave him in half. “You should,” he began to speak in between slurps of ramen “but, why not stay with us? It’s probably more fun than sitting around in a house you can’t stand.” 

Sukai snorted, peeling back the lid of his cup and inhaling the scent of salty, packaged ramen. MSG has never smelled so good. “Maybe.” 

“It’s sad Shosei isn’t here though.” Shion set down his cup and wiped his mouth, placing his chopsticks inside the empty container. “It’d be a lot more fun with him here.”

Syoya laughed. “I can’t believe you’re the one saying that. Remember when you couldn’t stand him? Something about how he was too ‘stuck up’ and ‘goody two shoes’ ?” 

Shion’s expression turned to annoyance, the younger tossing his napkin at the dark haired boy before bursting into laughter as well. “Well, things have changed and me and Shosei are on good terms now. Besides, he’s proved that he’s not as innocent as he looks, he’s a little piece of shit wrapped up in an angelic bundle.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that about your own friend.” Sukai wiped his mouth. 

“But it’s true! He won’t stop teasing me about my crush on Ta- actually, nevermind.” Shion fired back. “Besides, didn’t you beef with Shosei too?” 

Sukai laughed and threw a pillow at Shion, the other falling over from the impact. “That was way before we became friends! Enough about Shosei being a little piece of shit, who is it that he keeps on teasing you about?” 

“Nobody!”

Syoya laughed at the two, tears forming in his eyes from laughing so hard. “He said it was Ta- something. I’m betting it’s Kawanishi, the pitcher on our team.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Shion threw another pillow at Syoya from where he was situated on the ground. “I swear it’s not him.”

“It totally is.”

“I swear! It’s someone else!” 

Sukai joined in on the pillow fight, laughing as he decked Shion with a fluffy throw pillow. For a moment, he forgot about his family issues, he forgot about his suffocating world and played into the happy facade he wanted to live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy two chapters in a day hooray 
> 
> sorry for forgetting about sukai's younger brother it was for the plot okay


	3. loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who the "who do i make suffer" wheel landed on when i wrote this? 
> 
> jk j k i am so sorry for making our precious angel suffer like this but i promise it gets fluffier soon
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: mentions of self harm, mentions of psychological, emotional and physical abuse, self-deprecating thoughts

Shosei stared at the ceiling from where he laid on his bed. He was supposed to be working on his homework, but that was the furthest thing on his mind. He was too tired, too exhausted to do anything. 

His head was pounding, eyes exhausted from staring at a note-filled notebook and bright poster paper devoid of any work all afternoon. His arms didn’t feel like moving, his legs heavy as stone. It took him an awful amount of energy to walk himself over to his bed, not even bothering to readjust his flopped out position. 

Normally, Shosei would’ve been watching YouTube videos or playing video games and procrastinating in a more modern fashion, but after his laptop got taken away, he couldn't really do that. The only thing he could do was stare and stare at the ceiling. Maybe he could open the window and gaze outside, see if there was anyone he knew passing by. 

Or maybe he could stay in bed and scroll through whatever chat messages he missed. Which was exactly what he was doing right now. The sound of radio silence and white noise drowned out his thoughts as he scrolled through the chatroom, backreading all the messages and fun he missed out on. 

He didn’t miss out on too much.

He looked at the blinking red alarm clock by his bedside table. It was 4:38 pm. Enough time to slack off and call someone before his mom would come and check up on him. Perfect. 

The blonde sat up, scrolling through his contacts and considering who would want to talk to him right now. Should he call Shion? _Nah, he was still grounded, and probably got his burner phone taken away again._ Should he call Sukai? _Wait, no, he had baseball practice with Syoya right now._ Ruki? _Probably on a date with some random girl._ Ren? _He shouldn’t be doing anything right now, unless he was choreographing something for the dance club._

Shosei hesitated. Did he really want to call someone? He didn’t want to bother anyone from whatever they were doing at the time, but he didn’t want to wallow in his silence alone, either. He hated this feeling.

He pressed on the call button anyways, watching the phone ring once, twice. It rang for the third time and Ren’s signature “Hi, it’s Ren. I’m busy right now so if it’s something important, leave a message!” voicemail came from the other side of the phone instead of Ren’s high pitched voice. Shosei sighed.

“Shosei! Are you doing your homework?” he heard his mother call from downstairs. The sound of something cooking, something sizzling on the stove accompanied her voice. 

Shosei grumbled a small “Yes” back. He didn’t like lying to his mom, but he didn’t like the consequence of her finding out he was slacking off either.

Shosei stared out his window, watching the little kids jump and play around, watching them invent some game he knew he’d never understand. He watched the kids his age skate down the neighborhood, watched a group of boys play basketball in their driveway. He thought about what it’d feel like to join them. 

Just how much was he missing out on in his life?

He thought. He did that often, thinking. He thought about all sorts of stuff, from what was for dinner, to the school project he had to finish, to his own existence. His own thoughts confused him. 

He felt alone. Like nobody else in the world needed him. Like the only thing he was good at was schoolwork and maybe dancing and like there was no reason for him to simply exist at all. He mentally laughed at himself. He didn’t really think he was good at anything at all. 

He could hear his breath shaking, and then suddenly he couldn’t hear anything at all. He felt numb. He hated it. 

The blonde groaned and tossed his phone to the side, watching it land with a _thud_ as it fell off his bed. Maybe he should just nap. Shosei closed his eyes and plopped back down on his bed, his head pounding with endless thoughts. He could feel himself on the brink of sleep, chest moving up and down in a content state. Up. Down. Up. Down. 

Shosei turned around, flopping over on the bed so that he was laying on his side, his eyes fluttering shut as sleep washed over him. He dug his nails into his arm, letting the pain seeping through his veins flow to his brain and go numb. He sighed.

He didn’t notice the tears that fell from his sleeping eyes.

* * *

“I don’t understand this.” Shion groaned from where his head rested on his math notebook. “How the heck do you even solve this?”

Ohira Shosei sighed, shaking his head as he began to explain the math problem to Shion again. “You have to divide both sides by 10 first before you can subtract to find x. Here, let me show you.” 

For as long as he could remember, Shosei had always had a knack for school. All the topics came easy to him, the reward from spending the majority of his preschool and elementary school years inside studying textbooks and doing practice problems out of a battered up workbook. He’d been doing that since he could pick up a pencil and read. His mother was quite insistent on Shosei doing the most he could to follow his older sisters in their path to top schools and universities. 

He didn’t have a father. He never really had a fatherly figure to look up to, nor a fatherly presence in his household, Shosei’s mother constantly complaining and blaming her past decisions for their current situation. Shosei’s mother made it of utmost importance that Shosei and his sisters do their best to succeed in the real world. From an early age, he was thrown into multitudes of textbooks about math, science and other school topics. He remembered her yelling at the three of them, telling them that if they didn’t succeed and go to a good university, they’d be screwed for life. 

He remembered her yelling about how he’d be worthless if he didn’t get good grades and get a good job and live a fulfilling and successful life, about how his years would be wasted if he was anything less than perfect. About how he was supposed to be the “man” of the house, superior and wise, and how his life, friends, scores, and choices were supposed to reflect that. 

He still remembered the red marks on his arms from the chopstick that hit him each time he got a multiplication table wrong. He remembered making it his priority to memorize the tables up to 13 before the next week, little Shosei standing in front of a makeshift whiteboard mumbling the numbers to himself. 

Shosei shook his head. He didn’t want to remember those times. 

“See, you just do this, bring it over and then subtract the square root of 4 from both sides to find x.” Shosei dragged his pencil over his notebook, drawing out each step for Shion. “Now, what’s the square root of 4?”

“It’s two.” Shion mumbled, lifting his head from his sprawled out position on the library table to look at Shosei’s notes. “So then I just have to subtract that from both sides of the equation?”  
  


“Exactly. So subtract 4 from both sides, giving us x equals negative four.” 

“This makes no sense.” Shion threw his hands in the air, rolling off the table and plopping himself on the chair next to Shosei. “Can we take a break?” 

Shosei looked at the clock. It was 3:25 pm. Enough time for a short break. “Yeah, let’s take a break.” 

Shosei watched the boy stand up and walk over to another table in the library, bothering a raven haired male sitting there. Kimata Syoya. Not having anything better to do, the blonde trudged over to their table, taking a seat across from the dark haired boy currently enamored with his phone. 

“What’s up?” Shosei mumbled, cheek resting in his palm. He played with the multiple scattered pencils on the table. 

“Nothing much.” Syoya mumbled back, head barely lifting to address the younger boy in front of him. His eyes were focused on his phone, and Shosei could see the reflection on the glass of Syoya’s round glasses.

“Are you scrolling through Twitter again?” Shosei picked up a pencil and began to draw on the table, making small loops and doodles on the worn down wood. 

“Yeah. There’s practically nothing to do here while I wait for you to finish tutoring Shion.” Syoya finally looked up from his phone, setting the hunk of metal down in front of him. “I wish Sukai was here or something so we could play a game together or whatever. I’m bored.”

“You could do your homework.” Shosei looked away from the sight of Shion messing with Syoya’s phone. “Or you have the option of going home.” 

Syoya smacked Shion’s arm and hastily took his phone away from him. “I already finished my homework. And me and Shion were planning to hit up the new arcade downtown after this, so I have to wait.” 

“Isn’t he still grounded?”

“Yes, but my parents think I’m at cram school and the arcade is near the school so…” Shion leaned back on his chair, using the chair across from him as a foot rest. “You should join us!” 

“I’d have to ask my mom first, though.” Shosei bit the inside of his mouth. He hated having to ask his mother for permission to hang out with friends, he was almost certain her answer would be the same no matter how much he tried. A hard, dead set “No”. “You guys can go without me though, I probably have something to do at home.” 

“Aww, that sucks.” Shion pouted, spinning a pencil between his fingers. “You should hang out with us more though, you’re barely around.”

The blonde looked towards the ground. The words, although simple and well-intentioned, stung Shosei like a cut. He knew his friend didn’t mean any harm, but they poked him at a spot he didn’t know was hurting. Shosei felt bad for constantly missing out and canceling on his friends. 

“I- I’ll try to.” he pitifully smiled, already imagining the look on his mother’s face when he eventually asked her if he could hang out with his friends. _Did you do your homework? You’re entering college soon, yet you’re here slumming around with some friends when you could be studying for your entrance exams? I didn’t pay for you to go to that school for you to give me nothing back! Go review your math homework. Go read a page from the exercise workbook I bought you last month._ He shuddered. “It’s fine though. Don’t worry about me, you two should have fun on your date.”

Shosei may be an angel, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like to tease the _hell_ out of his friends.

Especially when it came to Shion and his budding crush on the raven haired boy sitting next to him. 

Shion jumped up, hands flailing everywhere and he slammed the desk, earning a few stares from the students around him. “IT’S NOT A DATE! We’re just friends, and besides, why would I want to date Tamaki, he’s annoying.”

Syoya giggled, head lifting up from his phone once more to laugh at his best friend’s predicament. He faked a gasp. “Shion… are you… _homophobic_?” A series of giggles could be heard from the dark haired boy currently doubling over in laughter.

Shion turned beet red. “No, no of course not! The opposite actually! I- I mean!” Shion covered his reddening face with his hands and slumped back down into his seat. “It’s not a date.”

“Of course not, cause you like Kawanishi from the baseball team, don’t you?” Syoya wheezed out the last of his giggles, taking a deep breath before turning to face the boy next to him.

Shion _audibly_ groaned. Louder than one would need to in such a situation. “I swear to _fucking_ god, it’s not Kawanishi. I barely even know him!”

Shosei snorted. “No shit it’s not him. I know who it is and he’s right-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK, SHOSEI.”

The three of them laughed, Shosei dying in fits of laughter as Syoya attempted to guess who Shion liked. _He’s so dense, he can’t even tell it's him._

“Are you _sure_ it’s not Kawanishi?” 

“I SWEAR ON MY LIFE!”

“I don't believe you.” Syoya wheezed, going back to scrolling on his phone. “Oh speaking of guys from the baseball team, tomorrow is Yonashiro’s birthday and we’re throwing a party at Keigo’s parent's manor thing. He said it was totally fine if we invited some friends, so I’m inviting you guys. Sukai would too but we’re his only friends so I’ll be doing the honors.” 

Shion giddily clapped his hands. “A party at Keigo’s? Hell yeah, I’m down. I wanna see if I can cop anything nice while we’re there.” 

“How about you, Shosei?” Syoya looked at him expectantly.

He tightly smiled. “I’ll ask.” 

“Okay then! Sounds good, just text me if you get the okay.” 

Shosei smiled another tight lipped smile. “I will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy im so sorry for the double, triple angst these past three chapters, but i PROMISE the next two will be super fun and fluffy to make up for it <3
> 
> also poor shosei,,,, who wants to help me break him out of there


	4. birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this is the longest chapter i've ever written.... 4k word wtf  
> anyways... PARTAYYY happy late birthday to jo1's dear leader sho!!
> 
> uhm anyways halloween chapter maybe tmmrw and yea
> 
> tw / cw for underaged drinking and violence!

“So… Sho’s party. How the hell are we gonna get there?” The S4 were back in the library, sitting in their designated spots at a table in the far back corner. Shion, as per usual, had his feet propped up on another chair as he leaned back on his own. 

Sukai picked at the dirt under his nails. “My mom said she could drive us to the party, as long as we answer the phone when she calls and we get back before midnight.” the others shrugged. Sounded good. 

“I can’t go. My mom said no.” Shosei frowned, crossing his arms.

“Shion, are you still grounded?” Syoya asked from behind the screen of his phone, scrolling away at some game or app. Shion grinned, shaking his head. He was no longer grounded. After a month or so of being trapped within the confines of his own house (which was a lie, Shion snuck out whenever he could), he was finally free. Just in time for Sho’s party too. The best part? He got his phone back. No more trashy old burner phone, thank  _ god _ . 

“Unfortunately for all of you, your favorite bitch is finally ungrounded!” Shion spun his pencil between his fingers, winking at Syoya. Syoya stuck his tongue out in response and Shion’s temperature flared up.  _ Oh god, I’m never doing that again.  _

Sukai took a long, hearty sip out of his energy drink. “A shame.”

Shion threw his pencil at him.

“Who do you think will be there?” Shosei asked as he fiddled with the buttons on his school uniform. His face was pulled into a frown, his blonde hair falling into his eyes before he swept it to the side. 

Syoya shrugged. “I don’t know. We invited the baseball team and some other people from other clubs, but knowing Keigo, he probably invited the entire school. Plus, Sukai’s gonna be there. The first year girls gotta love that. I wonder if whoever Shion likes is going to be there.” 

Shion blushed and playfully hit Syoya’s shoulder. “OW FUCK. Not there! That’s my bad arm!” The younger rolled his eyes in fake annoyance.  _ My crush is going to be there, but it’s definitely not a girl! _

“I bet it’s Takamaki. Every guy in school has had a crush on her at least once.” Shosei smirked, wanting to add more fuel to the fire. Shion was very close to running out of the library. Syoya’s face lit up, the gears in his brain obviously spinning. 

“I can’t believe you guys think I’m  _ HET _ . I’m leaving.” 

Shion jumped out of his seat and grabbed his bags, dramatically striding his way across the library to the large, glass double doors. He looked back at his friends and stuck out his tongue at them, Syoya sticking out his own back. Sukai lazily waved in his direction and Shosei smirked widely. 

Shion sighed. What a great group of friends he had. 

* * *

“Shion! What time are you leaving? Do you need a ride?” His mother called from outside his door. He could hear his younger sister dramatically whining about something over from behind her, the younger girl probably frustrated about a video game or her friends. 

Shion popped his head out of the mess that was his closet. “Probably in like, thirty minutes! I don’t need a ride, Sukai’s mom is going to drive the three of us!” 

“Who’s going to the party?” She called from behind his door again. “Shiho, I'll be there in a minute!” He heard his sister yell for his mom again. 

Shion dove back into the pile of clothes he pulled out, contemplating between a nicer, gray hoodie, or a funky, patterned button up.  _ Would Tamaki like this button up?  _ “Me, Tamaki and Sukai!”

“What time are you coming back?”

“I don’t know, whenever Mrs. Kinjo picks us up! Most likely before midnight!”

“Don’t forget to text me when you get there!”

Shion groaned as he buttoned up the last of the buttons on his patterned shirt.  _ Tamaki better like this shirt.  _ “I will!” 

_ Honk _ ! Sukai and Syoya were here. Shion looked out his window, towards the driveway of the house and saw both of their heads sticking out of Sukai’s parents’ car window, Sukai in the front and Syoya in the back. 

He bolted out of his room; present, phone, earbuds and jacket in tow. He stumbled to put on his sneakers, nearly tripping over an untied shoelace as he ran out the door and towards the car. “Have fun!” His mother called after him. 

“What took you so long?” Syoya asked from his seat in the back, already halfway through a complimentary bag of chips. He was wearing his signature flare-bottom jeans, tucked in gray graphic tee and fake glasses. Shion had to admit, for someone who wore the same outfit everyday, he looked  _ insanely _ good. He wasn't sure about the horse-toed boots though. 

Sukai was kind enough to turn down the radio as Shion slid into the seat next to Syoya. He handed him a bag of chips. 

Shion gratefully took it and ripped open the bag. “I had to wrap the present okay? How was I supposed to know that you can’t just slap on some paper and call it a day?” The present was sitting safely on his lap, the half-assed wrapping job beginning to peel off. “At least I tried.” 

“I feel bad for Sho now.” 

“Whatever. Anyways, what do you think about my shirt?” Shion turned his body so that his friends could see.

“It looks ridiculous.” the boy in the front seat scoffed.

Shion huffed. “You don’t appreciate fashion.”

“I like it.” Syoya nonchalantly shrugged, his eyes already glued to the screen of his phone again. Shion grinned and turned his face away.

Sukai turned the radio back on as the car’s engine started up again, the car making its way back onto the highway and towards Keigo’s house- where Sho’s party was being held. A familiar beat came on through the car speakers. Sukai turned off the radio.

“Certified frea- HEY!” Syoya whined, Sukai interrupting his jam session. “Turn the radio back on,  _ now _ . I was vibing!”

“This is a  _ holy _ car.” Sukai crossed his arms. 

“Please?”

“No.” 

“Do you want me to kick you out of this car?” 

“Fine.” Syoya slid down his sulking as Shion laughed at him. 

“Do you want me to drop you off in front of or a few blocks away from the house?” Sukai’s mom glanced at the GPS. 

“A few blocks away is fine,” Sukai mumbled back. “We can just walk there.” His mom nodded as she made a sharp turn into Keigo’s neighborhood. The houses were  _ big _ , and  _ atrociously  _ expensive. Shion could spot a house at the end of the road, much larger than the rest of the houses on the block. It was definitely Keigo’s.

The car stopped, Keigo’s manor now just two blocks away from them. “I’m dropping you boys here. Text me when you’re inside and answer your phone when I call you.” Sukai nodded, phone in hand. The two boys in the back slid out of their seats and thanked Sukai’s mother on the way out. 

Keigo’s manor was ahead of them in the distance, the large windows and front deck streamed with confetti and streamers. A large banner hung from the large double doors. Loud, party music could be heard from where Shion was standing on the block. Shion could make out shadowy figures and party-goers in the driveway, and bright party lights spilled out from the open doors of the manor. 

“What did you get for Sho?” Syoya asked, one hand swinging a small gift bag with tissue paper stuffed inside and the other fiddling with his AirPods as he took them out and put them back in their case. He ran his free hand through his hair and looked towards Shion’s direction. The younger one suddenly felt his ears go red. “I’m giving him a photo of him and the team. I got the other guys to sign a picture frame too.”

Shion looked at his present and laughed. The poorly done wrapping was in the process of coming off. “I got him some socks and a cool dad mug. He’s a hag now, and he’s  _ practically  _ the team dad.” 

Sukai snorted. “You’re not even on the team.” 

“I’m an honorary member, he said so himself.” Shion rolled his eyes. “I even attend all the practices.”

Sukai stared at him with a deadbeat look. “Yeah. As a bench warmer.” The three of them were now nearing the manor, nearly getting run over by a car backing out of a driveway. Shion swore at the car, kicking a pebble in its wake as they walked past it. Loud bass pumped out of Keigo’s parents’ estate, loud foreign songs and laughter could be heard from the inside. High schoolers were lounging around outside, some of them drinking from red cups with  _ god knows what  _ in them, and the others just chatting. 

Shion had to take a minute to take it all in. He looked over to his friends who were waiting for him. 

“Are you going inside?” Sukai asks.

“Of course!” Shion says, not a stall in his step as he strides up and into the grand house party.

When they entered the party, the boys were immediately taken aback by the loud pumping music. The intense party lights nearly blinded the first years. Teenagers with red cups are scattered around the lavish, wooden interior of the household. The music hit Shion’s ears with clarity as the three of them placed their gifts onto the gift table and shuffled to a corner of the house to take it all in. 

Clusters of teenagers were gathered together, laughing and dancing the night away. A group of kids could be seen in the kitchen, hoarding piles and piles of chips and pizza onto their flimsy paper plates. Another group was in the living room (or was it the main hall? Shion didn’t know.) dancing ridiculously. A few teenagers were chatting together, and a few were making out with each other along the spiraling staircase to the upper foyer. 

Shion had to hold on to Syoya in order to not pass out at the sight of that. 

A boy who seemed to be important was greeting people at the bottom of the stairs, accompanied by a much taller and skinner boy with blonde hair. Shion recognized them both as Sho and Keigo, respectively. 

“Thank you so much for coming,” Sho was saying, the birthday boy sporting a large cat-like grin and ridiculous cat ears to match. “Keigo, you didn’t have to throw this party.” 

“You didn’t have to wear those cat ears I got you as a joke either, but yet here you are.” Keigo smirked, taking a sip out of his red cup and patting Sho on the back. Shion followed Syoya and Sukai as the two of them went to wish their captain a happy birthday. 

Keigo looked the three of them up and down. “Hey you guys! What is up?”

“Nothing much, just wanted to greet our dear captain a  _ very _ , lovely birthday.” Sukai said, his voice dripping with cheerful sarcasm. “The benchwarmer wanted to say hi too.” Sukai pointed in Shion’s direction. 

“Very funny, you got the whole room laughing at that.” Shion sarcastically marked. 

The five of them chatted for a while, exchanging greetings before Sho suggested (read:  _ forced _ ) that the three of them have fun at the party instead of talking to “a hag” like him.

Keigo walks away, red cup in hand as he strides up the spiraling staircase and towards the balcony facing the entrance hall. He passed by a teenage boy talking to a pink haired male- Takumi- and the three of them laughed as Keigo nearly tripped and fell down the stairs. 

If Shion wasn’t mistaken, he could recognize him as a second year who often came to watch baseball practice like he did. What was his name? Kono Junki? 

“I have a special announcement for the party people at this party!” Keigo yelled. “Don’t tell your parents- first and second years especially- but there’s  _ special  _ drinks in the kitchen in the cooler next to the fridge! Also, everybody here is invited to my Halloween party next week! Now let’s  _ PARTY _ !” Various whoops and cheers were elicited from the party-goers, multiple teenagers already lining up towards the kitchen. 

“Bye.” Sukai followed the crowd of teens racing towards the bright blue cooler with the  _ special  _ drinks, his tall figure disappearing within the crowd. 

“And then there were two.” Syoya lamented, already pulling out his AirPods to listen to music that wasn’t the bass-pumping foreign hits currently playing out of the speakers. 

Sukai came back, holding a bright red cup with a curly, plastic straw in hand. He took a long sip out of it, Syoya’s eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets as he watched in horror. 

Sukai noticed Syoya’s concerned look and laughed. “Relax, it’s just a cup of fruit punch I got from the kitchen. It’s kinda spicy though, the back of my throat feels like it’s about to rip itself off.” 

“I don't think fruit punch is supposed to do that.” Shion took the cup from Sukai and sniffed it.  _ Yeah, definitely not fruit punch _ . “You said you got it from the kitchen, right?” 

“Yup. First table, far right corner.” the taller boy took another sip. “Be careful though, there’s a lot of people getting drinks right now.”

“Okay.” Shion excused himself to get a drink.

He weaved his way through the mass of sweaty teenagers- only stopping twice to gag and laugh at a few couples making out in the middle of the hallway. 

“Sho! Happy birthday, man!” Shion could hear someone cheering as he walked towards the kitchen. He giggled at the sight of a girl clinging onto the school’s prince’s arm as the said prince looked head over heels for the baseball captain. “18 years old is doing you  _ wonders _ .” Shion watched the girl become increasingly impatient and laughed to himself. 

The massive amount of teenagers in the kitchen was enough to make Shion’s skin crawl. The stench of alcohol and sweaty bodies didn’t make it any better either. Taking a deep breath, he side-stepped his way around the teens and made it to the fridge. 

Sukai was right. Surprisingly enough, there was quite the long line for the fruit punch. He took a look at the swirling red beverage and suddenly decided that he didn’t want the punch anymore. He weaved his way through the sweaty teenage bodies to the fridge, hoping there would be some non-spiked soda he could drink.

He’s about to open the door to the fridge when somebody bumps into him and curses in tiny font swear words, a wet feeling suddenly on the sleeve of Shion’s patterned shirt. 

“Ohmygoodness, I’m so sorry.” the boy who ran into him- some tall, silver-haired guy- immediately began to hand Shion a wadded up ball of paper towels. “Dammit, my drink spilled on you.” 

Shion turned to him and waved his hands in an apologizing motion. “No, it’s fine! It’s just a drink.” He accepted the paper towels and began to blot his sleeve dry, huffing when he realized the smell of alcohol wouldn’t go away. 

“Ren! Junki wants to talk to you in the front hall!” 

Ren scoffed and turned towards whoever was calling him. “I don’t give a  _ fuck  _ about him! I swear to god, if he wants to talk to me about him and his stupid crush on Takkun for the millionth time, tell him I don’t care!” He turned towards Shion and apologized again before running off to another room. 

“God, I didn’t know the older years were so… dramatic.” Shion mumbled to himself as he scanned the fridge for a can of something familiar. He spotted a can of Sprite in the far back and sighed in relief as he took it. 

Shion’s relieved to see Syoya and Sukai still at their spot behind the stairs as he returned from his trip to the kitchen. Sukai looked annoyed as Syoya relentlessly chattered away at his side, immediately pushing Syoya in Shion’s direction upon seeing him. “Take him, he’s your problem now.” 

“You know you love me.” Syoya whined.

“Maybe.” 

A familiar song came on through the speakers and Syoya’s AirPods came off with it. 

Suddenly, the crowd in the room began to cheer, Syoya’s voice among the other teens in the room. The first year immediately meshes himself with a large group of kids already dancing. The room suddenly exploded with teens mouthing and shouting the lyrics to some hit song Shion didn’t recognize and everyone began to jump around. 

Sukai looks at Shion and shrugs.

The song ends as quickly as it started and Shion can see Syoya excitedly jumping around, stumbling his way back to the two of them. 

“That was so fun, you guys have to try that sometime.” Syoya brushed his hair out of his face, sweat lining his jaw and using his free hand to fan himself with his shirt. Shion didn’t know when the temperature in the room raised up, but he suddenly felt a lot hotter. 

“Everyone! We’re going to sing Happy Birthday to Sho now!” Keigo could be heard yelling from the back. Everyone shuffled their way into the even larger backyard of the Sato manor and Shion couldn’t help but gasp in awe with everyone else at the sight of the fancy setup. 

Sho was standing behind a fancy, long table with an even more extravagant cake in front of him, Ruki- staring up at him with the same look of awe everyone was giving the cake- beside him. Ruki’s date was nowhere to be seen, the poor girl probably have abandoned the lovesick fool hopelessly pining for the birthday boy by now. 

It wasn’t long before Keigo counted off the birthday song and Sho cut the cake, saying “thank you” as he passed slices of cake to everybody there. Shion eyed the fancy silverware he was given, making a mental note to take more of those from the kitchen before he left. 

“This cake is so good.” Shion noted, already on his second slice. His mom would kill him later for eating all the cake, but it was  _ so  _ worth it. 

“I know, right? I’m  _ this  _ close to just taking that stand holding up the cake and run home with it.” Syoya mumbled through bites of chocolate cake, frosting smeared on the side of his mouth. “If I ask for another slice, do you think they’d judge me?” 

Shion laughed. “Nah. I already asked for another one and they didn’t say anything.”

“But there’s so many people! And I feel weird.” Syoya pouted, Shion’s heart clenching at the sight. 

“It’s fine. I’ll go with you.”

“Okay, thanks.” Syoya smiled sheepishly. 

Their attention was diverted to the sounds of a fight breaking loose from inside the house. The crowd inside ceased to celebrate Sho’s birthday and began to circle around a group of teenagers. Syoya, Shion and Sukai stopped their trip for more cake as they ran over to see what was going on. 

“Ren, I already told you-” 

“Told me what, Junki? What did you tell me?!” the silver haired boy who previously ran into Shion was yelling at who Shion assumed was Junki. “‘Cause I don’t remember when you told me that you and Takkun were suddenly going to be a thing! Was I supposed to stay calm when I walked into my best friend and the guy I like making out? WAS I SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM WHEN I GOT STOOD UP THAT DAY AND I RUN HEARTBROKEN TO YOUR HOUSE AND I FIND THE TWO OF YOU GETTING IT ON?!” Ren looked furious, and the whole crowd watched as the two males fought- well, Ren screaming at Junki. Somebody cuts the music and it’s suddenly dead silent in the room. 

“ _ Holy shit _ .” Syoya whispered to Shion and Sukai. “Kawanishi has a harem?” 

“Shut up! It’s getting good!” Sukai whisper-shouted back, directing their attention back to the escalating drama between the two friends. Or enemies. Shion didn’t know. 

“Ren…” Junki begins. 

Ren looked like he was far from finished. “ _ You know _ ,” he scoffed angrily. “I waited for you that day, Takumi. In front of the diner, all dressed up and shit with flowers and everything. I waited there, for  _ HOURS _ . For what? To get stood up? To go running to my best friend to cry about my sad love life only to find the two of you  _ making out _ in his backyard?” Ren looked like he was about to burst into tears. 

Junki’s jaw flexed, his whole body tensing up as the third year class president stood there in front of him. 

“You were my  _ best friend _ ! And I told you everything!” Ren was no longer yelling, his voice lowering to a weak cry instead. “I told you everything, I told you things I haven’t even told my own parents, and what did you do? You used it against me! For  _ what _ ?!” 

“I  _ hated  _ myself that night, I went to sleep  _ crying  _ and wondering about what the  _ fuck  _ I did wrong!” Ren laughed, a hollow and empty sound coming out of his normally cheerful action. “You could’ve just told me you liked him, you know. But you didn’t, and you left me to find out when I was heartbroken and looking for someone to talk to and- and-” 

Ren turned to Takumi, who was shaking and hiding behind Junki. 

“I loved you, Takumi. I really did. I was so ready to fix everything I did wrong and finally grow the balls to confess to you.” Ren spoke in a softer tone. He turned harshly to Junki, his voice hardening again. “And you  _ fucking  _ knew that.”

The crowd gasped, watching as Ren spilled his emotions in front of everyone. 

“Holy shit.” Syoya whispered again. Ren had witnessed the virtual collapse of his social life, yet still had it in him to act as a cheerful class president every day like nothing was wrong. Whispers in the crowd began to emerge as Ren stood up taller. 

Takumi looked at Junki, confusion and devastation on his face. “Junki…”

Junki threw his hands in the air and looked around in anger. “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” 

Ren stepped closer to Junki, whose hands were now balled up into fists. “No. I want everyone to know how much of an  _ asshole  _ you are, and how you hurt me for  _ what _ ?! Your own personal,  _ fucking _ , gain. You could’ve talked to me, you could’ve said  _ something  _ about it, how you felt! But  _ no _ ! You hurt me instead!” 

Nobody can say a single thing before Junki swung his fist at Ren’s cheek, hitting him with so much force that it sent him stumbling backwards.

Everyone falls silent, including Junki. 

Gasps erupt when Ren stands up straight again, his teeth clenched together so tight it looks almost  _ painful _ , and tackles Junki to the ground. 

Shion doesn’t know who, but somebody yells “FIIIIIIGHT!” from behind him and suddenly everyone is cheering and yelling, the high schoolers pulling out their phones to live stream or record the fight. The crowd bursts into chaos as the two high schoolers destroy each other. 

A painful crack can be heard as Ren punches straight into Junki’s nose, the other kicking at him and struggling against the class president’s weight on him. Everyone gasps as Junki knees Ren into the gut, and gasps again when Ren bites down on Junki’s arm. 

Shion can’t help the feeling in his gut telling him to leave. He pulls Syoya’s arm- who pulls Sukai’s- and drags them both to the front of the manor.

“Dude, what the  _ fuck _ ?” Sukai whispers once they’re outside. The cheers and hollers could still be heard from even outside the house. “It was getting good!” 

Shion sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Sukai sighed. “It’s nearing midnight anyways, I should probably call my mom.”   
  


Shion and Syoya stood beside him as he dialed his parent’s number, staring at each other in awkward silence. Sukai’s mom pulled up to the driveway twenty minutes later, eyeing the three boys cautiously as they piled in before accelerating and heading home.

“How was the party?” Sukai’s mother asked, in an attempt to kill the awkward silence in the car. 

“Fine.”

“Fun.”

“A blast.” 

The three boys answered at the same time. It wasn’t long until they burst into ridiculous laughter. 

“Oh… my… god…” Syoya spoke between wheezes. “We have to tell Shosei about this later.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will i ever give context on why junkiren hate each other? maybe.
> 
> also ruki pining for yonasho omg yes king

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!  
> have a good day and stay safe!  
> social medias:  
> instagram: @jikishiii  
> twitter: @starrysyoys


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